I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
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