Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
