Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
