I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
