im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
