bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
