If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
