why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
