just tell him i said nine months
so let's talk penis.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
