Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
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I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
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How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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