You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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