So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Randomize
