it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Randomize
