; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
