can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Randomize
