so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
