You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
how drunk are you?
Several
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
