No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
my god I love twenty year old dicks
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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