I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Randomize
