The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Randomize
