Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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