I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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