So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
