I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Randomize
