the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
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