I accidentally had phone sex last night
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Randomize
