You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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