i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
