By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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