I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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