I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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