home. puking in laundry basket.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
you made out with another girl for some wings
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
