you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Randomize
