you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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