Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
