The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
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