Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
