Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
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