You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
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I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
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