Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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