i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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