Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
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Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
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Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
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