his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
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Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
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So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
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