I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
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