The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
