So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
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