im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Randomize
