just survived the first fart of the relationship.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
