i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
