You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
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