Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Randomize
