guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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