nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
