my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
