She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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