I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
