Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Randomize
