sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
