$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Randomize
