Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Randomize
