the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Randomize
