End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
