he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I fill condoms, not promises.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
