Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
