Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
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