Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Randomize
