I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I think weed is turning my hair brown
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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