Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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