Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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