You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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