the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
