Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Randomize
