So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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