I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
