don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
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