Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
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