planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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