she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
