she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
