Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
