i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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