I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
