I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Randomize
