alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
