Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize