i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
