The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
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