How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Randomize
