she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
